Every ending is a start of a new beginning. :)

9:54 AM 11/28/2012 (+7:00 timeline)

Because my connection is as slow as a turtle and I want to tell these thoughts out. NOW.

So rumor has it that JYJ and SMEntertainment has finally put an end to their legal battle. FINALLY.

As quoted from the post,

"It is said that SM Entertainment and JYJ have both withdrawn all lawsuits against one another, and have agreed to not interfere with any of each other’s activities"

And as I was reading this I cannot help but be glad and be genuinely happy for JYJ because finally, all the stress about this lawsuit is over.

You don't know how difficult these 3 years had been for all of us-- for Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin and Yunho and for the fans of all five. It was painful to see your most-loved group separated in 2 units. Even more when one unit holds on to the name that once belonged to five members and when the other unit started a group of their own. 'Painful' is not even the appropriate word to describe it; It was crazy, chaotic and nerve-wrecking to the point that I don't even know with what conclusion I want it to end, I just want it done. I'd be a hypocrite if I say that I never wanted the ending where in JYJ takes back their complaint and just makes peace with SM Entertainment and my OT5 is back again together. When Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu released their first album as JYJ and when TVXQ came back as duo, I thought that what I wanted was such a selfish wish. I saw how all of them struggled yet kept moving on. I felt the frustration of JYJ for not being able to perform on national television, the pressure that Changmin and Yunho had to carry when they came back as duo and their fear that their fans would leave them having as what they've become. But they never left us. They didn't quit and continued to move on and that made me very proud of them. With that I learned to accept them as JYJ and TVXQ.

Am I happy that the lawsuit has finally ended? Very happy. (In fact I was singing to myself awhile ago in class my student asked me if something happened today. I was too happy.) Am I still happy even if the end of the lawsuit means that it is already official that Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu is no longer under SM Entertainment and that them becoming TVXQ again will be even more impossible? YES. I am still happy regardless of the consequences because the lawsuit ending means freedom for the three. Am I giving up the idea of seeing all five of them performing in one stage again? NO. Not ever. I still hope that someday, I will be able to hear them singing together again, even in different groups. For when they start singing together again, their harmony and melody will always be one, regardless of whatever circumstances. :)

This may be the ending of the lawsuit but every ending means a new beginning. What lies ahead all of us in future is still blur but one thing's for sure, whatever happens, I will still watch over them. I'll still be a fan of Jaejoong, Changmin, Junsu, Yunho and Yoochun until they tell me to stop. :)

7G[✓] 8G[✓] 9G[✓] 10G [X]

Liking TVXQ was never my intention. I disliked them at first. They are people who kept on appearing wherever I go. I never searched for them. It was them who showed themselves to me; just like how I encountered Cassiopeia Philippines. Attending 7G was merely accidental. I wouldn’t have gone there if not for Tohoshinki’s Best Selection album launch but it was different for the succeeding gatherings. I was interested, excited and delighted when the yearly gatherings were announced. For 8G and 9G, I had it all planned and made it there. It became a yearly habit-- a habit I thought I’d never stop doing. It would have been the same for 10G… if only I was still in the Philippines. J

If I was there when 10G was announced, I would have cleared my August 25 right there and then. I would have arranged a meet up for the person-in-charge of ticket and bought mine. If the venue was unfamiliar, I would have searched on it, made all the possible preparations as far as printing out the directions so that on that day, I wouldn’t be lost. I would have been welcomed by the sight of a crowd that has always been excited for these yearly events. I would be amazed again by the dedication the cores have been giving to these events. I would be randomly taking pictures—not of the merchandises nor the standees or tarps of TVXQ but of the people who attended the event. I would have recorded the giggles, the cries and screams during the film viewing.  And as the event ends, I would have been awestruck again.

Attending these gatherings had always been a comfort. It would always give a prick in the heart seeing clips or whatsoever of TVXQ with Jaejoong, Changmin, Yoochun, Junsu and Yunho in it. But a prick is better than a heart burst from not being able to see them as that again. The event was always beautiful to me. The concept was always creative but that was just one factor. It’s always the people in the event that made it beautiful. The love and support of the fans never faded. It was always there. There might be times that it’s stained but it never left… and I feel sad for not being able to witness that love again.

Will I be able to attend 11G? 12G? When will I be able to attend the gatherings again, even I don’t know. I don’t even know if there will be succeeding gatherings after 10G. When I decided to go, I was not afraid of being alone in an unfamiliar place. I was only worried that by the time I come back, all the things I was used to are already gone and done. 

To the CassPH core (if there’s a possibility that you’d be reading this), I’m sorry. I had not been a good member. I wanted to offer my help as volunteer or attend your other activities but even if I want to, I wouldn’t be able to go. Not anytime soon. So even with the inexistent member as I am, I want to thank you for giving me the great times I had during the past gatherings and events. You (the cores) and all the people who are part of Cassiopeia Philippines are all wonderful. Just like what I said in my previous blogs about the gatherings, I hope it continues. It’s not a command, just a selfish wish. Hopefully, I’d be able to witness it all again. 

I left a lot in the Philippines—family, friends, acquaintances and some other things. I was not even able to pack my things myself as I was still busy doing my work. It was my mom who did all the packing. I haven’t seen what’s in it until I arrived here. When I had it unpacked, this was one of the things that she packed for me.

Even though I’m already somewhere far and in different timeline, I’d always be a member of Cassiopeia Philippines. I’ll let this shirt shout how the supporters of TVXQ in the Philippines have been keeping the faith all this time, loud and proud. :)

-Regina, spreading the love from Indonesia J

Emoshinki Punches: Right Hook, Left Hook.

@6002theMicky: 트윗...삭제할까...??

trans: Shall I delete... twitter...??

via @AllRiseXiahtic

07192012

And my timeline burst in virtual tears and pleading tweets. Not that I'm happy, but I wasn't sad as well. I think it's... numbness? :) Well I thought he had really deleted his account and how I was worried at that moment. But generally when he tweeted that I...really didn't feel anything. It doesn't really mean that I don't care but... I just don't feel like... believing it.

Sure, Park Yoochun is a really emotional type of person but I think that's the reason why I don't believe that tweet. He's emotional; too emotional to the point of saying/doing things without thinking of it. And once he have managed his emotions, he'll tweet again and say "Sorry for making you all worried. I am just too tired..." or something like that. The guy haven't had a best year so far. Yes he got into successful dramas, won awards, but he lost his father, he's being bothered by stalkers more often than the unusual. TV guesting and promotions as JYJ are still hard to achieve and the lawsuit is still on going. Yes he's fine in general but not all over fine so for the guy to be emotional, is just normal.

Thus for Yoochun to tweet that didn't really surprised me. At least he gave us a hint that he is not well. If it were the Yoochun before he would've drove alone in the middle of the night and drowned himself in alcohol. Maybe he also did that these past few days but he included us in his burden which I think is better than keeping everything to himself...alone.

He may really decide to delete his account but even if he does, I believe he'll come back. Why? Because the fans' pull of gravity is greater than the man's resistance.

And just when I finally finished this post and about to click publish, I read this tweet.

Yunho: Don't end up like us. Your group is everything to you. They are your family. After a few years pass by, stay exactly the way you are now. Don't listen to the "You won't last 5 years" comments. We lasted more than. Your members are your support system. If you have problems, talk it out. If you think something is unfair, talk to a member about it. If you are apart from each other, keep contact as much as you can. Never lose the closeness you guys have. Never feel like your feelings are a burden to everyone else. That's what family is for. To share the same burden and help get rid of it. If someone makes you angry or you make someone angry, don't wait until it's too late to let them know or apologize for what was did and or said. Because that one simple foolish fight will be what leaves you never speaking to that person again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNgBwc6zy6U

@AKTF2012 

Why must these happen all in one blow? :(

Some said that what Yunho said on the video was not the same with the translation. If that's the case then that's really disappointing. I felt bad reading the translation without looking further into details but I felt worse when I learned of the possibility that it wasn't real. It's not because I want that translation to be real and said by Yunho but because it was as if that someone played with my feelings. I feel hurt and sad; the feeling of being heartbroken. Fans of all those five are already experiencing too much more than what any fan can ever imagine. I hope people can just stop... minding us. Please let us support all five and just let us hold onto that tiny hope that in the end, our wish will be granted; no matter how long, no matter how impossible. What wish? A wish won't come true if said right? So even that, please just leave it all to us.

I've received blows after blows long before; almost 3 years to be accurate. Getting this far, I won't get knocked down right away. There are times when the counting is almost close to end, but even before the bell rings, I stand up. I know these emoshinki punches will happen more often than the usual but I'm up with the match. I'm a masochist after all. 

Kim Junsu's Tarantallegra and Post-Mothers-Day Post :))

So everyone was crazy over Junsu's Tarantallegra and just hours ago my twitter timeline was really moving so fast as I think the album already became available online. Not that I don't like it but I haven't listened to it even with all the hype; This was only true until a few minutes ago. I've watched the MV and as I'm writing this post, I'm currently listening to some songs from the album.

I never really watched their dance MVs even when they were five. The most I've watched I think was Mirotic. Other than that I've only watched their MVs/ PVs of the likes for 1-2 times per song. I prefer listening to them than watching them on videos. This is very relevant after I've watched and listened to Tarantallegra. I thought I can watch all through out the video but half-way thru I cracked up. The latter part of the video was awkward, funny, crazy and just all out hilarious to me; Same feel that I had when I've watched TVXQ duo's Keep Your Head Down. It's evidently different when I listened to both songs. I can listen to them repeatedly but I can't do the same with their MVs. 

So I decided to listen to some songs and how I felt proud as I played track after track. Junsu is really one talented person. He can obviously sing, dance and he can write songs. I'd be a hypocrite If I'd say that the this-could-have-been-more-awesome-if-they-were-still-five thought never came to me. It strikes me every now and then but it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate their individuality. 

Crazy as it seems, after I have listened to the songs it felt that I was like a mother who's giving out his son to the world. 

A mother takes care of her child, cares for him until he'll have his own wings and fly. One does not compare her children with each other as everyone has unique characteristics and stands out on his own.

Kim Junsu was already flying high for some time now and he keeps on soaring. It was a bittersweet feeling as it felt like it was just yesterday when he was putting up his cute-angel-xiah pose to doing handstand with Yunho on their SBS Gayo Daejun performance. It felt that I've watched him grow to what he has become now and though in fear, I know one day, I have to let him go so the whole world will be able to see how he can shine with his own light. I have to separate him with my other children as it will make him grow into a mature person and acquire independence. But doing this doesn't mean that I will totally abandon him. I'm just right here, watching how far he can go, how high he can soar. If one day he gets wounded and fall, I'll fix his wings so that he could fly again. If I have my own wings, I would gladly give it to him so as to see him soar high again. Crazy aren't I? :)

I think that these feelings were always felt by mothers. Don't get me wrong. I'm only 22 and I haven't even been in a relationship. I just speak through experience; The love and care I've experienced from my mom and the freedom she gave me on my life choices and decisions. 

So to all the moms in this fandom, the moms of the fans of those five and to the moms of those five, THANK YOU. I will always be grateful to all the moms of people I've encountered. You are all truly admirable in your own ways. Keep guiding us. Happy Mothers Day! :)

9G :)

A very late post but better late than never. :)

February 25 2012 marked the 9th Annual Gathering of Cassiopeia Philippines. I've been attending their gatherings since their 7th and this, in my own opinion, was by far the most laborious, time-consuming, exhausting yet the most organized and fulfilling gathering among all that I have attended to. Just seeing the whole thing from start to end makes me feel really proud of being a part of this fandom. :)

The venue was somewhere new and unknown to me. I have no idea how to get there. Many complained that the venue was far from them, it was difficult to go there, this and that. It was no where near my place but I thought, why should I complain when I'll only attend and didn't even contribute to the preparations they've been doing since then? And besides, everything that attendees need to know was provided by the site. I'm really not good at directions so I actually printed the directions they provided. It was fun acting like a tourist not knowing where to go. Even more when you get the directions right. When I saw the Fort Shuttle bus, it was as if I saw TVXQ because I was really happy. :)) The next problem was the stop. I've always had a problem with directions so even if everything was already provided in the instructions, I still don't know where I should go. Good thing there were two recognizable cassies (they were wearing their red cassiopeia shirt :p) who also took the shuttle bus. When they got off, I followed them. I don't know if they noticed me but thanks to them I got to the venue. :)

I wasn't expecting that the venue was actually the Fullybooked bookstore that I know. Going up to the venue was like roaming in a huge library. At one point I actually wanted to stop over and browse the books. The books surprised me but this was even more surprising.

The venue was already filled with a lot of people. Some were buying JYJ's album, some buying CassPH's merchandises while others are buying tickets and waiting for the gallery to open. I was planning to get earlier schedule because I have a debut to attend by night but then all the good schedules were sold out. Good thing Edward, one of CassPH's core was so kind to have actually reserved me a ticket of my choice because I wasn't available on his meet up time.

Bags were not allowed and so they opened a "baggage counter"-- improvised but works the same. You give them your things, they'll give you a number, you give them back the number and they'll return your things to you. The place for the bags, in my opinion, wasn't that comfortable for the people in charge so for this lovely "baggage counter" girls, job well done~ :)

And so the wait was over and the gallery was officially opened. It was literally a gallery. If Hong Kong had Disneyland then I dare say CassPH was able to pull off a Dong Bang Land. It wasn't at the level of what Bigeast's have done in Japan but the effort was no where less than anybody. At one look you'd just think that the gallery was just a huge room with lots of photos, posters and everything DB5K-related. Like this.

It was simple if you'll look at it from a far. But as I took a closer look, I can't express how I was surprised of the labor they did to put up those things. It wasn't just concept-layout-print-post. I'm a teacher and I've always hated decorating the bulletin boards every beginning of the school year. Aside from the brainstorming of the concept that you'll do, it takes MANUAL labor-- cutting, pasting, sticking. It's tiring and very time consuming. And this is what the organizers exactly did with the gallery.

The pictures were not flatly posted around the room. The pictures were pasted to another material to make it embossed. We do this at school for the bulletin titles and headers but we use styrofoam. You can either use a laser cutter or a manual cutter but whichever, it is still laborious. And the material they used was harder than styro so it's more difficult to cut and did you see how many photos were actually posted? Just this part was already amazing. And It's not even half of the whole gallery.

The picture from the upper left corner is a complete list of the tours that they've had since year 1. The gaps implied that it was printed separately and manually. And you just have to combine it all as if doing a jigsaw puzzle. A+ for effort again. I've always loved to see the reactions of the people that are not fans but witnessed the event, just like those two kuyas at the lower right corner. While they were setting up the screen one was looking around at the crowd and the other one was watching the guys who were the reason of that gathering. They always give me the "ano-bang-meron-dito-sa-mga-to?" reaction and I love how they're all puzzled about it. :))

Everything that we saw around the gallery was from the fans itself who were kind enough to lend their most precious collections. I wasn't a DB5K fan ever since they've debuted so I only know things from where I became a fan. There in the gallery I saw posters that were out of print already. You know it's old because you'd see scratches on the sides of the poster. It's precious because some of it were signed by the members and most of it came from their tours and concerts.

And because those were things from fans, it was the organizer's job to take care of it no matter what. They placed notices such as "display only, do not touch", "handle with care" but my most favorite was the warning written for the DB5K balloon. It was frightening yet sweet and I find it amusing. To the owner of the balloon, I hope it was returned safe to you. :)

So after the kuyas have set up the screen, they played a concert through it and as soon as it started the people gathered in front of the screen and watched. They didn't care about anything anymore. :p Even some of the cores went there to see and left their post for a little while. It was as if those five guys were physically there as they were enthusiastically watching the concert. And that's not even the private screening that was included in the event. :)

In the gallery, not only can you look at those photos but you can also browse magazines that featured the members. It was seeing what was exactly inside those magazines for real. The attendees were delighted to have held and browsed it. I myself didn't understand what was written in those magazines because they're either in Japanese or Korean but the pictures were the center of the attraction so we need not to understand everything. Some were browsing while some were taking photos of it. That side of the gallery looked like a library where everyone was "studying". If I remember it right there was even a "Silence Please" sign on that area. :)) There at the corner you can also have a free photo with DB5K members. I never liked solo pictures so I asked a CassPH core to join me in the photo. :))

If you get tired of walking around the exhibit and "reading" in the library, then you have Tohocafe to serve you. They serve cupcakes (was it Trisha who baked those? ^^) and coffee. At first, it seemed that the people in charge of the cafe were not expecting of the queue it would have. Until the whole thing became organized. One was taking orders, one was serving and delivering the food, one is the cashier and the other is packing for take out. I think it was Ate Tin who was serving the cupcakes. She opened the door outside and said "Pasok po kayo sa Labas" because the dining area was outside the gallery. Haha :) I wasn't able to taste all cupcakes though I bought a set. As I have a debut to attend to that night and I don't have time to buy a gift anymore, I just decided to give her those cupcakes. :)

The last part of the event (for those who wasn't able to attend Tohonight like me) was the Film Showing. The schedule that I got was 4:30 to 6pm but due to technical difficulties, it got delayed. I think we've entered the viewing room about 5:30 already. As my gallery schedule was done by 3pm, I had all the time to browse the books from Fullybooked. As I was waiting, I heard some of the staffs' comments about the audiences of the Film Viewing. One said "Mga fanatic talaga yung ganun noh. Kahit dvd lang grabe magreact." Other said "Ang ingay sa baba grabe! Yung pinapanood nila kala mo personal eh!" Truthfully, it's a wonder how those screenings can make the fans hype, cry, scream, cheer, fanchant and all. I've been witnessing these moments ever since 7G and I am still amazed. I was seated at the back and as the film showing showed clips from when they're still doing activities as five until now, you can hear sobs, and you can see fans comforting each other. I cannot explain what I felt that time. Should I be amaze of the bond I see from the attendees? Should I feel sorry for us because we can only see them through screens? I don't know what exactly I have felt that moment but one thing is for sure, I wanted Jaejoong, Yunho, Junsu, Changmin and Yoochun to witness what I was witnessing that very moment. Let's face it. Their split brought about many changes to the whole fandom. Some are siding to the current TVXQ while some are into JYJ. And most of the time, those who support all five equally are outnumbered. And this is the reason why I'm grateful to Cassiopeia Philippines. They showed me that it was not impossible to support all five. Some may think that there's more JYJ than current TVXQ in the whole event or vice versa but to me they've done a good job in balancing the whole gathering. There weren't any restrictions. Whether you're a fan of the two or the three, whoever is your bias, EVERYONE was welcome. It was simply a gathering that you need not think of what is currently happening right now rather it brings you back the good old memories those five have given you back then. When the lights were turned on it was like an enlightenment; that even when half of the fandom world is breaking we still have US. And to that that I bow down to the organizers along side with all the members and attendees. Thank you for a job well done. :)

We've had a concert screening, we've also experienced a carnival and now we're done with exhibit and gallery. All these were made by fans for fans and we will always be thankful to them. I hope the next time we'll be having a gathering it will be DB5K to fans. A tour, concert, fanmeet, or even just any/all of them stepping within the islands of the Philippines will be such a great gift to celebrate CassPH's 10th gathering. And to be able to see these fans happy, I'll keep on praying for that thing to happen. :)

Endless thanks to all the organizers and attendees who have never let go of their faith to DB5K. Though everything isn't being perfect for those five, they are still lucky to have you. Us. Thank you for showing me that it is never impossible to keep the faith no matter how long, no matter how difficult. Thank you. *group hug* :)